The Secret of Happiness
by Jeff Morency, Ph.D.
Introduction:
This is the first of several messages that God has given me since 1995. It is the basis of all successful relationships and what Jesus tried to teach us when He was here. Unfortunately, most of us are so caught up in ourselves that for all practical purposes, happiness is still a secret.
The Problem:
Successful sales people know this secret and they use it in their business to become successful. If they used in their marriage, it would be successful, too.
The problem is that when two people form a relationship, it’s because they need something. And, because of that need, they each take from the other and take and take until there is nothing left of the relationship. On the other hand, when two people practice the Secret of Happiness that God tried to teach us, a reciprocal relationship is formed that builds upon itself and regenerates to form a basic building block of God’s kingdom.
We buy things, go to church, go to psychologists and even to seminars on how to be happy, all to find the secret of happiness. Unfortunately, most of us seem to settle for just the minimum amount of unhappiness because the secret of true happiness is just too elusive.
Psychologists write books and give seminars telling us all about how we operate, putting each different part of our psyche into a neat little category, but never tell us how to be really happy. They seem to think that if we understand about ourselves we will be able to figure out how to be happy, but it really doesn't work. The secret of happiness that most of us search for all of our lives is so elusive that most of us just give up.
The prerequisite:
The secret of happiness, like the secret of eternal life, is extremely simple, yet very profound. It can be summarized in a single word. But, before one can understand the meaning of such a profound concept described as a single word, we must satisfy the prerequisite of maturity.
Jesus talked about forgiveness as being a prerequisite to entering the kingdom of God. This is really a subset of maturity, a mechanical means of law whereby followers attain some small degree of maturity. Real maturity however, can only be understood by imagining what it was like when you were first born. You accepted everything and everybody just exactly the way they were. You didn't always like everything the way it was and sometimes you cried because you didn't like it. But, you still accepted it and it was okay to cry. Soon you learned to control your body movements. Then you learned to control your care givers. You discovered that if you cried, you could get some attention, or food, or clean clothes. As you grew older, you discovered more sophisticated ways of controlling your caregivers. Then you discovered that your caregivers would control you and you didn't like that. So, you tried harder, became more clever, more forceful in fighting for control, and you tested those controlling you as you learned the art of controlling them.
Somewhere along life's journey, some of us learn that we do not need to continue the cycle of controlling and being controlled; the cycle of hurting and being hurt. We find out
that we can't control everybody and everything, and that we don't have to generate hate, anger, or resentment because of others trying to control us or because we can't control others. We discover that if we give up and let go of these things which hurt us, we can let things and let people be as they are. True maturity can only be attained by going back to the level of acceptance that we had when we were first born; accepting everything and everyone just exactly as they are; and when we find something we don't like, it is okay to cry. We can try to change things or people, but we must accept them as they are to be truly mature. This is the prerequisite to happiness. When we accept people as they are, we have already forgiven them before they act.
The Law:
A mature person can understand the secret of happiness and is ready to put it into practice. The secret was contained in the word "love" when Jesus said, "love your neighbor." But since "love" has so many diverse meanings in our culture, I prefer to use the word "Giving". This word "Giving" is undoubtedly the secret of happiness. It is the condensation of all the teachings by the psychologists and the heart of the Gospel of Jesus. It activates the law of reciprocity which says "give and it will be given unto you". This is not just a nice old saying. It is a spiritual law that governs the universe. It is always in effect, just like the law of gravity. Neither can be broken. They only describe the way the universe is set up. Ignoring either one can cause us to fall flat on our faces.
The law of reciprocity is contrary to human nature, so it doesn't seem reasonable that we can receive more by giving than we can by getting. But, it is true; the more we give, the more we get. Some religions call it karma. It's like money in the spiritual bank that we draw interest on and get back much more than we put in.
When you give to someone, they feel more like giving back to you, which makes you feel like giving more to them, which perpetuates the giving cycle. Giving to someone who does nothing but take; can drain you dry of giving, but the law of reciprocity is still in effect. Giving to someone you know you will never see again still activates the law of reciprocity because it operates everywhere and at all times. One way it operates is to build in us the God-like character that survives death. St. Paul said that it brings us rewards in heaven, but it also works here on earth since as Jesus said "The Kingdom of heaven is at hand".
This is a concept that the logical mind cannot understand because it does not make any rational sense. As St. Paul said, “The things of God are folly to the carnal mind”. This concept of giving without expecting anything in return is truly a thing of God, the real secret of happiness.
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